Sta.sh
A note.
I can see your face in front of my eyes, your gorgeous grin and those hazel eyes I could get lost in for hours without realising I had missed a second. I can still feel your breath on my cheek; still feel your nose pressed against mine, still taste your lips against my own.
Another note.
I can see our spot, hidden away underneath the willow tree where nobody could find us. A place we could spend hours in each other's company, our sanctuary. I can see us there, my head on your legs as you read to me from your favourite book. I still have the copy you gave me.
A chord.
I can remember our first kiss, so hesitant underneath the grey sky. Your hands on my jaw, mine curled in your hair. The sense of relief when your mouth met mine in the softest embrace, it felt like a burden had been shared that day, like the stone in my stomach had crumbled. Now it's back with a vengeance.
I hunch up to my instrument, let my fingers fly out across the keys as the memories flood to my mind's eye.
I see you stood before me, not the boy I loved nor the man I adored. I see the pain in your eyes as you terrorise me with your words like knives in our tiny apartment, in our tiny life. But we made it, it was ours and you seemed intent on destroying it that cold July night.
As I play I feel the emotions building up inside me, the grey light hangs like mist over the keys through the bare window as the sun shrinks away. As the tune bursts from my fingertips I am powerless to stop it, and I am powerless against the pain it inflicts as it tears from my heart.
I can see my hand reaching out to you, desperate to see the man I knew. I pull your face close to mine and stare straight into those hazel eyes, I see a flicker of the love you swore would never die, of the lust you promised would never leave but it is abandoning us. Like you.
Faster now, the melody plays, reaching its crescendo with a determined stride.
I see you walking away from me, in your black suit that you looked so good in. You walk away from me in the rain we used to kiss in. You discard me in the dress you loved so much, as it sticks to the hips you used to hold.
The heartbreak fills me right from my toes to my eyes. It rages against my bones, smashes against my eyelids and tears its way out, flying across the room all around me, destroying everything in its path. Chairs and tables are torn apart, posters ripped from the walls and glass smashed. I keep playing, I let it destroy. Because there's nothing worth anything here that you haven't taken.
You left me.
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